kill yourself

I gave my 11 year old daughter important advice the other day: there’s no painless way to kill yourself.

“What about with a gun?” she said.

I told her about a friend of mine who shot himself in the mouth. He put the gun in his mouth and pointed upwards towards the brain.

He missed.

He shot off half his face, he went blind in one eye, and he is now in a wheelchair.

If you type in “I Want to Die” into google, my website is the first result.

My first business I sold for $15 million. We built websites for entertainment companies. Bad Boy Records, Miramax, Time Warner, HBO, Sony, Disney, Loud Records, Interscope, on and on. Oh, and Con Edison.

Mobb Deep would hang out in my office. Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails would stop by. RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan would want to play chess. We even made a website for a brothel in Nevada.

Then I saw that kids in junior high school were learning HTML. So I sold the business.

I bought an apartment for millions. I rebuilt it. Feng Shui! I bought art. I played a lot of poker. I began investing in companies. A million here. A few hundred thousand there.

Then I started more companies. Then I bought more things. Then I became an addict. The worst kind of addict.

From June 2000 until September, 2001 I probably lost $1 million a month.

I couldn’t stop. I wanted to get back up to the peak.

I wanted to be loved. I wanted to have $100 million so people would love me.

Writing this now I even feel like slitting my wrists and stomach. I have 2 kids.

I felt like I was going to die. That zero equals death. I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been.

I lost all my friends. Nobody returned calls. I would go to the ATM machine – from $15 million to $143 left.

There were no jobs, There was nothing.

One weekend when I had $0 left in my bank account I called my parents to borrow money but they said “no”. “College was enough” they told me, even though I had ended up paying for every dime of college. That was the last time I spoke to my dad, who had a stroke six months later.

I tried meditation to calm down but it didn’t work. I never slept. I lost 30 lbs. I’m 5’9″. I went from 160 to 130. I couldn’t talk to anyone. I couldn’t move. I stopped having ideas. I cried every day.

There was never a moment when I didn’t feel sick. I had let my kids down. I would die and they would never remember me.

We moved 80 miles north of NYC with the tiny bit of money we took out of our apartment after being forced to sell at a million dollar loss.

I couldn’t leave the house for three months. I was depressed. I gained back all my weight and then another 30 lbs.

Finally I had to either die or feed my family. I was forced to choose myself.

– I started to exercise every day. I started to eat better. One item for breakfast. A healthy lunch. Tiny dinner. No snacks.
– I started to sleep 9 hours a day.
– I started to only be around people who loved and supported me. I broke off all ties with anyone who I felt bad to be around.
– I wrote down ideas every day of articles I could write and about businesses I could start. Bit by bit I started to get paid to write. If you don’t exercise the idea muscle it atrophies.
– I decided I wanted to help people every day and be honest every day. I was grateful for my daughters. I was grateful for what I had. I didn’t fight reality or regret. This was my reality and I had to make the best of it.
– Every day I came up with ideas for new businesses. I had a waiter’s pad. I would go to a cafe at 6 in the morning with about 4 books and read for an hour or two and then start writing down ideas for new businesses, articles, etc.
– I started a hedge fund. I started a fund of hedge funds. I started a newsletter. I did deals. I made introductions every day, expanding my brand new network from scratch. At least 5 introductions a day.
– I got involved in a mental health company I sold for $41 million.
– I started a website, Stockpickr! which got millions of unique users. I found advertising for it. I sold it to
– I had made millions again from scratch.

Then I stopped using the fundamental techniques I described above. Every time I’ve lost money it’s because I squandered my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I was really bad. I did everything you should not do. I was like an addict. Picture the worst abuses. That was me. Again.

And then I lost it all again. Everything. Agh!

I had to start over. I couldn’t even believe I had to start from scratch atgain.

Every day without fail I focus on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. And it’s worked. I hope. I hope I don’t squander again.

People say it’s not about the end, it’s about the journey.

This is total BS.

It’s not about the journey and it never was.

It’s about right now.

Right now is the only place you’ll ever be. Choose yourself not to waste it.

  • “It’s about right now.” Agreed…but right now is part of the journey…

    • Maybe it is. I don’t know. What journey? To where? All I know is what I can do right here.

      • grobmeier

        The journey is from birth to death, but “right now” should be your destination. Great story, James. I really enjoyed the read.

      • Maru

        Every day is a journey and the journey itself is home. — Basho

  • Laura Gaunt

    I always love your posts – thank you!

  • There’s not even a now, yet that’s all we have, I guess. Your post soothed me, for some reason.

    • Yes, it’s all we have. When we say “there’s not even a now” it might be true but it’s hard to understand. I do now that I can look around me right now and see things and feel things and can make decisions. So i work with that. I’m glad the post soothed you. It did for me also!

  • Evan

    Huge fan James, but I’m too ashamed to post under my real Twitter name because I’m a lot like your example of being at rock bottom at the moment. I was evicted last week and currently living in a community services homeless shelter. No job (Get VA Disability benefits), no car and no leads. I have an 8 yr old son who was very disappointed I couldn’t have him last weekend. I’m sitting in a coffee shop, staring at my computer just lost. We have to be out of the shelter everyday from 7am-4pm. I look for jobs, but I have a 3 yr gap in my work history. I have a bachelors degree and great military experience, so why am I looking at working in retail or another minimum wage job? I’m embarrassed and ashamed. I’m capable of sooo much, but I’m 37 years old and this is all my fault. (Like one of your previous posts). I’ve written down 4 ideas (Daily Practice), but then I started making excuses. Then I saw your tweet that you had a new blog post. Lifted up my spirits and it really hit home. I just want to feel like a man again James. Feel worthy of being a dad.
    I’ve read probably every blog post you’ve done. (The guy who shot himself married his nurse right?) My life sucks but it could be a lot worse. But more importantly, it can be a lot better. When that will happen I don’t know, but I know I want it.

    • Oz

      Evan, what are your skills and what state are you in? Just wondering.

      • Evan

        I live really close to Seattle, WA. I have experience (and love) working in mental health and teaching/training. My bachelors is in Workforce Education. (I was a submarine tactics instructor while in the Navy.) I have (been told numerous times in fact) very good customer service/people skills.) I worked as a barista at Starbucks after the Navy, so that definitely helped. Plus, working with psychotic, schizophrenic, bipolar, suicidal (I could write a book) and every other kind of mental illness in a locked inpatient unit prepares you for every type of person and situation. Sorry to ramble, but that’s me in a nutshell. Thank you for the reply Oz. Truly appreciate it.

        • Oz

          I don’t have a job for you but was recently jobless. Send me your email if you get this in time (10 mins!) to

        • Oz

          Anyway, we will miss each other here Evan — but consider learning an IT skill – business intelligence for instance. You can download a free copy of Qlikview and become very good in that rather quickly. Become a consultant. Focus on your teaching abilities. Software companies always need trainers for clients, and also customer support. If you are great on the phone and with people, these will serve you well. Vitalsguy.

          • Evan

            Sorry we missed each other. I’m going to download the cop of Qlikeview like you suggested.

          • Oz

            Consider technical support positions/phone support. Your Navy service and experience taught you how to speak to people with confidence, that appears to be half the battle, or more. I have a fairly severe speech impediment and it’s a fight every day to communicate effectively. You are way ahead of me, buddy. Find that niche, keep learning, keep growing. James’ suggestions are key as well — keep moving, take care of yourself. One step at a time. Thinking of you and pulling for you Evan.

          • Shipmate

            Hey Evan, former Navy guy, dealt with depression and burning through +$15K in savings to -$35K in debt. Got fired from an awesome job. Considered suicide more times than I can count. Just want to tell you my wife pulled me kicking and screaming onto my feet so many times while I went back to school full time for 6 years. Got an awesome job offer, then lost it. Crushing. Wandered depressed and soulless for the longest time while job hunting again. Wife kept me grounded. Finally, got new awesome job, baby girl, everything is amazing. Obviously life isn’t perfect, but my outlook is finally right. I love my wife and my baby everyday, they are like sunshine. The job and everything is finally exactly what I had been working for, but couldn’t see in the dark forest for so many long years.
            I just want to say (1) Find one person who loves you no matter what. Build more. And if you need a relationship, don’t feel like you’re not good enough for someone else. Put yourself out there, even exactly as you are. You need humans. They will get you through. (2) No dark forest is infinite. There will be a day when you will day I MADE IT. This is really it, I’m really there! I promise. Hang in for that moment every minute of every day. (3) I want to second the recommendation for phone technical support. I work in a tech field, in 50% travel implementation. Tech support is ALWAYS in need of good people, and after a year or two, you can show how good you are and move into training, field support, implementation, or other things within the tech field, either with the same company or another. I think this is really the right space for you. Good luck man.

        • Charles

          Search (use advanced job search) and craigslist ( every day. From Indeed’s blog:

          “To illustrate the value you’ll bring to a prospective employer, your
          resume’s ‘Work Experience’ section should emphasize the results you’ve
          delivered with specific examples that show how you did it and what
          measurable results you achieved. Use concise sentences and bullets to
          make these results stand out.”

          + Make sure your resume is free of military jargon and acronyms.

          Marty Nemko is a popular career counselor whom I enjoy reading. He will be publishing an article about “what to do about an eons-long employment gap” next week. See his blog:

          Good luck, shipmate. NEVER GIVE UP!

          • Evan

            Thank you so much for the tips. I definitely make the necessary corrections and changes to my resume.

        • WZimmermann

          Hi Evan. I wanted to toss a suggestion your way. You mention writing a book. Why not take your phone or a camcorder and begin making videos on your experiences as they apply to the hundreds of thousands of military men and women who need mental health? You can structure it or leave it unstructured but make one video every day, upload them to a youtube channel and leave them as not public for the time being. Why? So you get used to the habit of uploading, recording and sharing your thoughts before you go public. Takes only fifteen minutes a day. You can make them outdoors, in front of interesting architecture of Seattle or just on a park bench. The interesting thing is that over time you will build a chronicle of your life and experience. If you share your life with a focus on helping others the YouTube channel can eventually be taken public, monetized and serve hundreds of thousands of people worldwide. You could build a commercial website that sells products you really really believe in and you can drive traffic from Twitter, Facebook etc. to your site and live the dream of service it is so clear you admire. In addition you can promote coaching people. Yes coaching. This can be done by phone, skype or in person. And yes you can make enough to pay the rent and more doing so. Wishing you well Evan.

    • I know a little bit how you feel. We all get into different situations but in America there is this overriding thing that we “HAVE” to be X, Y, or Z to be a “man” or a “woman” or “an adult” or “responsible” or “successful”.

      Right now you have to focus (as I had to in 2002) on what you need to do to survive. This is really important. You will feel good doing it. It will also show you that bit by bit you can be of service to others rather than just service to yourself. And from that you will be able to use that as a launching pad towards reinvention.

      But one step at a time. And no need to feel shame. In 100 years we’re all dead. Today is the first day of Right Now for you. Right Now be grateful. Right now do whatever is the one thing you need to do to survive. You will feel happy for it. And that happiness will propel you to the next step in the maze that the universe has laid out for you.

      And thank you for reading my posts. Yes, the guy married his nurse! I didn’t add that to this post because that’s one of those “the truth is stranger than fiction” things and people sometimes don’t believe it.

      • These are good words to live by: “Life by the inch in cinch. Life by the yard is hard.”

  • Some anonymous guy

    I sent you an email some months back when you were coming through my town.

    I was in a pretty bad spot and hoped to speak to you for a few minutes, as I thought you might understand and offer me some advice, or even a hand.

    It was a pretty hard thing for me to do, really, and though of course, an unsolicited email in an inbox is no obligation of any sort, I nevertheless felt that the author of several pieces such as this one, might be inclined to read and reach out. I assume the email never reached you (and that once again, I had embarrassed myself.)

    Anyway, I do like reading your posts, regardless of where I come across them, and wish I were more able to make your posts operational for me.

    • I am sorry if I did not respond. It’s often very hard for me to respond. I don’t check emails that many times per day. Maybe once or twice. And then I have to respond to people who are family or I am in business with or scheduling things. And then I try to respond to everyone else but first I have to write for the day. But sometimes that takes too long and then things slip through the cracks.

      That said, I am glad you enjoy the posts. “Operational” happens but only if one applies what I call “the daily practice” in mant posts. In my next book “Choose Yourself” I describe “The simple daily practice” which often helps ME on days or months when it’s hard to do the full one. I find that to be very helpful.

    • L

      Maybe both of you will find this post interesting, about the value of an email: (It’s by John Saddington, the Tent Blogger – thought I’d point that out because the permalink itself looks kinda spammy!)

  • ismichie_Edu-Muser

    Sounds like Portia Nelson’s autobiography in 5 short chapters. Love your writing.

    • Well now I have to totally google who Portio Nelson is and read her autobiography

  • Charles


    Will you tell us how many pages “Choose Yourself” is and how if differs from ”
    I Was Blind But Now I See”? Thanks!

    • Hmm, ok. but are you judging price based on number of pages? It’s 66,000 words so however many pages that is. And it is different from “Blind” in 3 ways:

      A) more economic basis for why we need to “choose yourselves” and the history of how we got ourselves here
      B) more stories. More non-blog stuff
      C) more specifics on the daily practice that I don’t talk about anywhere else.

      But I will do more of a post on this.

      • Charles

        No, I’m curious if you have a particular length in mind when you start a book or if you write until you feel it is finished. I seem to
        remember you saying that you intend to write 10 books. In your blog post for “Luckiest” you gave a page count (166
        pages) and the Amazon page for “Blind” states 174 pages, so I’m
        interested to know if “Choose Yourself” is similar in size.

  • Ashish

    I first thought “well, at least 143 is a prime!” But it’s not.

    • Hmmm, now I have to think about that……….ahh, 13 * 11. So co-prime.

  • I’m almost 45 and have been a serial entrepreneur my whole life but have nothing going on or even brewing right now. i’m itching real bad to be at something good and hard. My husband who is 20 years older than I am and a physician, says that I am too old to reinvent myself. I don’t hate him and he doesn’t do anything to stop me from trying and he even encourages me. But those words resonate with me. MIT is good for me to read James’s words. I can reinvent. I can become a success. He does it over and over.
    Thank you, once again, James. Write everyday. I love it.

    • Cassie, you are the same age as me. I am going to try and reinvent myself (again). You never stop. It’s exciting to always be in a process of reinvention. One of these days I will maybe figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

      • Oz

        I am the same age as well. Spent too many years in a dead end job and travelling and not seeing my family. Laid off earlier in the year and had to reinvent myself pretty much. Self publishing and blogging helped to establish that reinvention.

        Never stop reinventing yourself Cassie. Your husband is thinking professionally as a clinician — it’s tough for docs since they spent so much time in school and training to get there — tough for them to imagine reinventing themselves. Our options do become a bit more limited as we age (such as, I’m probably not going to be a doctor now), but most things are still up for grabs. It’s a jump ball every day. I like the formula of finding a niche, go deep, become an expert, do it a while. Get bored maybe. Do it again.

        Thanks James – you are helping people and echo some of our deepest thoughts.

  • online poker kid

    After gaining and losing so much, is there a certain point at which you would feel ‘content’?

  • Dick Costelo graduating address to Michigan class of 2013—>”be in this moment, now this moment, now this moment, now this one”. Interesting when you combine that with Zen, and other religions-and the current trend toward “mindfulness”.

  • Thank you again for another great post. A few months ago I was doing research on suicide bags, reading a lot of philosophy that led to nihilism and authors that committed suicide. I talked to my Psych NPP about it and I’m feeling better now (with the help of Pristiq and a great psychotherapist). Unlike you, I am clueless about how to make money since I left being a hi-tech worker in Silicon Valley 7 years ago and have been taken advantage of by a few record labels but I’m getting smarter. I pre-ordered your book on Amazon last night. I wasn’t sure if I had any money in my prepaid debit account and was afraid to look so I just clicked “Send to Brenda’s Mac Kindle.” It went through. The transaction was approved. I still haven’t checked that card balance because I haven’t put any money on it since last November so if it was a mistake I’m sorry. ;-P

    Can’t wait to read the book!

  • Jon

    James, I really relate strongly to this article. Turning things around to me I do roughly follow your steps. However when I start flowing with the idea generation, it seems to take me to a place of paralysis. Currently I would say that I have 10 Grade A ideas that I would love to implement, but working on them all is impossible, and I can’t seem to focus on just one. The more I put energy onto the idea muscle as you call it, the less able I am to focus. Any tips? Did you experience this, and how do you overcome it?

  • Regarded Solutions

    I had not known any of this about you. An amazing story with infinite meanings. It’s no wonder Jason thinks the world of you and your mind.

  • we can pass over painless, win yourself and do anything you want. don’t waste time on the painless, pass it and cancel it

  • Tacgiymis Dievcenske

    It’s hard to live this way after school. The hours of nothing… hours that will never return. And having idiot, insane adults tell you that if you ever want to be anything, you have to go through another dozen years of it, and then college… the way this makes us f***’ed in the head far outweighs any of the trivia they may teach us. Why, I don’t even remember Coulomb’s Law, for instance, but I sure as hell remember learning how to be bored. I’m 38. I wish I could have a day without thinking of school.

  • I’ve always felt business 101 shit is enough. And when I work with clients who make millions but have become overwhelmed or who’ve lost nearly everything, it always comes down to having lost track of the fundamentals.

    We all do it. We’re all addicts of one sort or another. I really enjoy you’re writing style and am glad to have come across your blog. I learned about you through Srini and Chris Brogan. Thank you for your work, for pulling through hard times that most people can’t imagine and having the guts to share it with millions of anonymous people. It’s inspiring. Much thanks indeed.

    • I agree, we’re all addicts in some way or another. Heck, I think ‘losing yourself’ in something is an essential part to feeling alive. The key, however, is to become addicted to something that compounds rather than decays, such as value investing rather than gambling (this includes most angel investing in internet startups).

      Edit: And whatever line of business you are in, no matter how exciting the growth prospects, make sure to have your cash flow covered. Insolvency is like a cancer, if you catch it early you can remedy yourself. Illiquidity on the other hand is like a heart attack and leads to instant death: No current assets = no food to eat.

      • Cashflow! Amazing how many biz owners don’t even know what it really is. I like that you mentioned “losing yourself” is an essential part of being alive. Agreed :-)

  • E

    Your post reminds me of the not so
    distant past when I made up a spreadsheet of about 13 different ways
    to kill myself- all rated according to difficulty, anticipated pain,
    cleanup, etc. Life is way better now, and I have a lot of the
    markings of outward success (house, family, meaningful job, all that
    bullshit). And I have the beginnings of what people can consider some
    kind of inner peace too. But I put a lot of energy into being normal,
    probably more than most people. My life looks good from the outside-
    and it is. But I haven’t really banished my demons as much as simply
    learned how to play twister and eat lunch with them. I choose my own
    health and my own sanity EVERY DAMN DAY. I wanted to thank you for
    your honesty and openness. You have made me feel better about my
    spreadsheet days. I guess sometimes we just have to go there,
    sometimes more than once. But hopefully I have learned enough to not
    have to go there again.

    • It’s hard to banish the demons. I don’t think anyone can fully banish them. But learning to live with them and even laugh with them is a good thing.

  • D.Bonomaully

    Nice blog James. Fantastic posts.

  • Guest


    Thank you for posting this. I think a lot more people consider suicide than will admit it out loud. When I was considering it as an option, the one thing that prevented me was my dog. Yes, my dog. She had behavioral issues and I knew if she went to the pound, she would have been goners and I couldn’t stand being the catalyst for that. Anyway, it got better. One of the things I would add to what you wrote above is, therapy. I found an amazing therapist and I know I was lucky, there’s a lot who really aren’t very good at being therapists, but she was.

    • Yes, i agree. I think many people can find great use from talk therapy.

      • nilsm

        Really? I think therapy is kind of a scam. First of all, if you take all the psychological disorders you can pretty much diagnose anyone with a problem. And for many therapy seems to be some kind of lifestyle part, going every week for years and years, which pretty much shows there’s no real progress. Throw in the pills, you got 11% of the US on anti depressants now…

    • David

      You’re not suggesting that James has suicidal intentions, are you?

      • Guest

        No, not at all. Just adding something that helped me.

  • Von

    Just came across your blog a few days ago (linked by another blog, I forget which) and I’ve been reading your posts every chance I get. I love how honest you come across and I agree with most of your points. I think I have a very similar writing philosophy, which I discussed here:

    Anyway, trying to read all of your blog posts. I’m thinking of reading from the beginning to have some semblance of order, I was jumping from link to link before. More power!

    • Reading in order is ok. But reading random is ok also. I view this blog as a “3D book” with no real beginning or end or middle.

  • Wondering Dan

    I’ve been reading you almost since you started the blog. Very inspirational stuff. There’s one component of your story that is missing. How are you able to go from $0 to making a good living again? It must have taken months after your account hit zero. How did you eat well, let alone eat poorly? Food costs money. Rent costs money. Utilities cost money. Internet service usually costs money. How did you survive during the transition?

    • As he mentioned, he sold his apartment at a “million dollar loss”. So he had whatever a $15 million guy pays for an apartment, minus 1 million. In other words, he was illiquid when his bank balance approached zero, but never insolvent.

      • himagain

        HA! Peter_Jan it seems like you might have already been there?? :-)
        I will now have to dig deeper in James’ story line!
        Having been there before (minus a couple of noughts) myself, the critical period is developing some kind of structure to allow you to start again.
        HINT: Get a night job to pay your rent and leave your days free for hustling to get started again…….

  • Spud

    Have you looked into why you repeatedly self sabotage and lose all your money? I have done similar things myself, with less money but just as painful. My theory is that I throw away my money because I am unhappy with myself at some level. I would be interested to hear your view.

    • Yes, I have done a comprehensive study of this. I think I mention that throughout the blog but I do a deep dive into it in my next book (coming out this coming Monday)

  • MJGottlieb

    Hi James- This post hits me quite hard as 2 friends of mine killed themselves last Thursday and Friday. Having built and ‘un-built’ (for lack of a better word) a number of businesses over the past 22 years I have been very much in line with your thinking on many an occasion. I often disagree that it is better to have had and lost then to never have had at all as we tend to obsess in these twisted minds of ours all that we ‘used to have.’ On the reverse side, to ‘never have had at all’ may not provide sufficient confidence to think you can ever reach a certain level you are capable of. So, once again we seem to be in a bit of a catch-22 scenario. Thanks for the post. I always get something out of your content. Best-MJ

  • Yesterday I made a list of the things I have achieved and proud of. I noticed that all the major stuff in my life has happened some 6 to 8 year ago. Nothing to write home about for the last 6 years. My business is looking down and I don’t know how I get through the summer slow time.

    I understand that to get to the next level would be really hard. I would like it to be easy. I was thinking about your How to become an idea machine post, that is permanently open in my browser, and considered how to implement that in my day so that I still have time for all the things needed to run the business. So today I came to your site to see if there’s any cool new stuff. Thanks for the post. I don’t need to be reminded more than two times.

  • mach

    when you search for “i want to die”

    you are the first result in

    and last on the first page on


    • morph2020

      I asked my county coroner about the best way to commit suicide without making a big mess. He answered me directly. “Just go get yourself a nice plastic bag you can get your head into, fill it with inert gas such as nitrogen, sit down and go to sleep. as you let the gas flow.”

  • TryCreativityYouMightLikeIt

    Try a morphine overdose, genius.

    • TryCreativityYouMightLikeIt

      To be clear, I’m not recommending suicide; I’m simply pointing out at least one way to kill oneself painlessly. Yep. I’m not mean, just a contrarian smart-ass.

  • Traycie

    Gosh. Your blogs hit me square in the heart. Thank you for giving me the daily push to make myself a better person. And for giving me the belief that I CAN achieve it. That’s really helpful, too.

  • Alan

    Did I write this? No but I could have, keep writing my friend. :)

  • Belmont

    So let me get this straight…
    You made millions of dollars quite a few times with successful businesses, you’ve proven you’re capable of doing it more than once, and you’ve thought of killing yourself?

  • So James, what do you do when you are satiated with self-pity and cannot get out of the gutter?

  • John

    Could you please please contact me?

  • seriously considering it

    i am at breaking point, in the last year i lost my father and my nana, both whom i was extrememly close too, i tried to cheer my self up with gambling and am now in debt of £15,000, i have no way to pay since i lost my job. death is the only answer for me. but i don’t wanna die

    • Just me

      I know how you feel. I haven’t been able to get a job, I’m losing my place to live in a few days, I have no family that can help me and winter is on it’s way. I have medical problems that will make living outside very difficult, but they are not bad enough to get disability. I have nowhere to turn, nowhere to go and no one to help. Death seems better than living this way.

  • DepressionAndLifeProbs

    i only read the first few things and nahh lol id rather kill myself nobody knows my problems they literally cannot get better =)

    • Tasmia

      Wouldn’t it be interesting to find out if they did get better, though? I don’t know your situation, but I think a good rule of thumb is to go with “we don’t know anything”. Of the people who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, all of them said they regretted it the instant they jumped. They realized all of their problems were fixable. I’ll bet yours are too.

      Same goes for you: Send me an email at and we can talk about it. Cheers.

  • ari

    Sometims i wanna killing mayself…..i think better i hurting may sealf than i hurting some one who’s make me hurt

    • Tasmia

      Hey, Ari. I give a crap about you even though we’re strangers to each other. I’m sorry I can’t substantially help you, but if you would like to talk, send me an email at (I just made a new email just for this, because I didn’t feel like sending my existing email cause it has my full name and internet security paranoia and whatnot :P. You’d be surprised at how many usernames are taken, ha.)

  • JM Ess

    So what happens when you feel this way but you don’t have millions or a skill that can get you anywhere close to that, when you started at nothing and then made it worse, when you not only have the feeling that you have ruined your life but also the reality that you have

  • fart

    ok great buddy, while I’m in a suicidal mood I’ll hear you say, choose myself, not waste right now. ok thanks a lot I feel great I’m glad I chanced upon this website

  • Vishwa Patel

    Awesome article.. It needs guts to share your personal failure, you are sharing it and inspiring every one. Thank you sir. I loved last line “Right now is the only place you’ll ever be. Choose yourself not to waste it.”

  • Vince

    I’m tired of judgement from others. I don’t want responsibilities because I never asked to be born, and the events of my life aren’t valuable at all. I just wish I could end it all without the pain of the end. But isn’t that the price? It’s like being afraid of going into the cold water of a pool, and taking it one toe at a time. It’s useless.

    Those who seek death must accept the consequences of it, and that’s massive pain. I’m not going to try and convince anyone of what happens after, but I wouldn’t be recommending suicide to anyone to begin with.

  • kh

    i m going to kill my self bcose in this selfish world no body can feel others pain every rich person just enjoying their life and poor going die.All charity donation organization just help on big projects just for get high rat goodwill and ranking they dnt help poor individual for reward from God they want show there charity work to the world as brand.
    i get big loss in business and i loss my everything. i hv just some money for some days food after i ll comitt suicide. peoples who give me loan want to arrest me soon i dnt wana go to jail thats why b4 police arrest me i ll shoot my selfe.
    i have no way for survive and no hv money for pay my little loan. realy by God i dnt wana do suicide but no way hv to survive i ll shoot my self please pray for me God forgive me no send me in hell . thanks ..

  • bear 117

    I am sorry but u steel have thing to live for Altucher..i lost it all a bother and the girl i loved the baby that never got to come into this f-up world and i know that i must be in hell because i we live it every night and day. the sad thing is i cant say it was the drugs that kill my family and my bother. because i did not have a drug addiction to after they were taking from me why did i make it that night after that other car hit my car why did the other driver get to live. i cant sit in the driver chair any more be case of panic attacks and all of my military experience was for noting i would of give my life for USA but now i wood not wasted the piss to put out the fires. my grandparents r all that left my dad there son kill himself because of my hole of a mom cheat on him when he was in jail and he must not of care about me his son because he got up and hang him self. so because of my dad if i let go and take the last nap i get to put my grandparents thought that agent. it have been said that i have major depression with psychosis to the world i am just a other crazy person that they well not give Disability benefits to. so u what me to buy a book that well most like not do a thing for me but well make u money. well at lest your getting your life back,after all happiness is not free.– ps sorry if the spelling is wrong but i am dunk and most like we wrong post this…

    • Bomx

      It all works out, I had an ugly Family too, the stories, but somehow we have more character because of it. Drinking helps, don’t care what they say about it being an antidepressant, after my Mother was murdered, my Father drank himself to death. We all have coping skills and we all grieve differently. You will be tough.

  • URmom

    bullet to the brain is painless.

  • I had lost this exact page and the name of the guy who created it.
    (Had a cerebral stroke that was….. interesting.)
    Suddenly remembered it today!

    I USED to send two types of people to this very page a few years ago.
    Type 1: “I wanna die – life’s too hard to go on”
    Type 2: Sane people asking me what makes a suicide bomber?

    We humans can talk ourselves into incredible states, but more important, as our host here keeps reminding us:
    It’s what other people’s ideas are of your importance that counts for nothing. It is only your plan to never quit trying that counts – and there is a difference between trying and quitting – and that is always, always a choice!

  • Cassandra

    Cassandra – I’m only 22, but with big dreams and lost hope … I feel so lost I’ve never felt this lost , I only felt that way when I was 17 when I tried to kill myself … And now I feel like I’m back at it again I feel like a failure I didn’t go to college right away I went to an internship a bullshit one for music all I’ve ever wanted to do was do music it seems so hard everyone in the music industry has to have big boobs or a big ass to be looked at I’m so sick atnd tired of it but no one will promote the type of image I am or the type of item I am … It sucks so much I got into a bad accident couple mo this ago mind you I went back to school to learn to read music again and ever since that car accident everything has gone from good to worse I lost my car couldn’t play piano I lost hope in all I stressed so much I failed a class I couldn’t sleep at night I failed my parents I don’t get financial aid they have to pay and it kills me all the time I just want to be on my own and make my parents proud and show them that God has kept his promise I feel like he lied I feel like he isn’t even real anymore he promised I’d be singing is be doing great things but no I see nothing I can’t even finish a fuckin song anymore my writing is so bad I feel so stuck and I’m loosing myself to social media to self hate to insecurities I don’t even know what to do this was a great read though I must admit … I was online looking for way to die painlessly and this popped up …. Idk I guess I should stop here …