Since they’ve been born I’ve been afraid of three things:


One, that eventually they would hate each other..

Only because many siblings do.

So I take these photos to show them all the times they’ve loved each other. That they delight in each other’s company.

Two, perhaps egotistically, that they would call each other on the phone as adults to complain about me.

They are almost to the finish line as children now. I try now to just always be honest with them.

To listen to what they want. To explain rather than argue. To let them ask questions about what sort of breed the “adult” really is and answer with the truth.

To not argue when they insist on something. Which is hard. Because who is right and who is wrong? Eventually, they will be right and I will be dead.

Three, I picture them lying awake, as I often have, scared and sad.

A sadness that seems like it goes so deep there’s no bottom in sight. I picture them trying to sleep but the buzz buzz buzz ricochets all across their scared heads.

I don’t know what I can do about it. Hopefully they will want to call me and talk to me if that ever happens.

I didn’t want kids. I thought my life could be full without them. I felt my life would ONLY be full without them.

Who knows?

I have two beautiful daughters and they are the loves of my life.

I spy on them talking and delight in the future they hurtle towards. A future that I, once center stage, am only a guest in.

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  • “To not argue when they insist on something. Which is hard. Because who is right and who is wrong? Eventually, they will be right and I will be dead.” – these are truly very wise words. Times change and with time people, places and things change. Eventually no one may be right but everyone is surely going to be dead. It is quite helpful to develop a philosophical outlook about life as well as death. And it is very useful to always think about the question “How Would You Look Back at Your Life When You are Just One Week or Two Away from Your Death?”. Read more at –

  • As a father of daughters in college now and a little one as well, this post really resonates with me. Even though they are smarter than me, I also worry they’ll make the same mistakes I did. I also appreciate your last line. Though this isn’t exactly what you meant, I can vividely remember the times with each where I realized I was no longer “DADDY” and was now merely “Daaaaaaad.” Seems that was a turning point. Wouldn’t do anything differently though. Of all the roles I have, being a Dad to beautiful children is the one I cherish the most.

  • Thank you James, i have a 10 months daughter and now I´m in a crisis, I want my freedom again but i love her and she is my live, and Im in this clash of feelings that causes me anxiety, but this post help me to learn that who knows if that life without her would be complete.

  • Terrance Collins

    Ah, they’re beautiful girls, James. And it’s working out perfectly. Remember, don’t believe every thought you have —only the ones which bring you joy.