Ep. 272 – Lewis Howes: The Masks of Masculinity

I don’t speak “guy”.

I even own part of a bar. And when I hang out at my own bar I sit around and everyone is speaking “guy”. I want to make friends but I don’t know enough “guy” to speak back intelligently.

Like when the two TVs are on playing the same sport and the announcer says, “it was a butt fumble at the snapback.”

What does it mean? I try to listen but my head hurts.

And then everyone starts talking and I find I don’t care at all. Zero.

Or they talk cars, or bikes, or fishing, or “MMA”, or even plumbing. I feel like an outsider to my own people!

Lewis Howes came on the podcast. His book, “The Masks of Masculinity” just came out.

It’s about all the masks that men wear to “prove” that they are masculine. “The Athlete Mask”, “The Material Mask”, “The Sexual Mask” , “The Invincible Mask”, “The Aggressive Mask” and on and on.

And that perhaps the greatest way to be the most masculine is to remove all the masks.

Lewis told me, “It’s this struggle to keep the mask on that is the reason men commit suicide six times more than women do.”

It’s this struggle that makes more relationships fail. It’s this struggle that keeps men, and perhaps the women around them, to suppress their feelings and be unable to express themselves.


What I really care most about the book is that Lewis writes about me!

I have never before mentioned in a book about masculinity. Not only that, but as a SHINING EXAMPLE of what it means to be masculine.

This is a new experience for me. And I’m bragging about it.

I should bring this book with me and when guys start talking about motorcycles or watches or how much they dead lift or “game” and I can’t understand what they are saying I can at least point out pages 183-186 in Lewis’s book and say, “See! I’m a man!” But maybe this insecurity is my mask.

That said.

It’s a great book. Thanks Lewis Howes!

Thank you to my friends at Communimation for making this animation:


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  • Benjamin Spring

    Great episod with which resonated really with me. I remember when Lewis had Mark Manson on his show, they talked about the upcoming book and why Lewis was the right person to speak about this subject. Spot on and pretty much a summary of my journey the last few years ! Thank’s for bringing these guests James !

  • James B. DiRubbio


  • clemdane

    My parents have been involved in the men’s movement for decades and I grew up hearing about this. It’s shocking how few people are consciously aware of this need for masks and what it does to men. We talk about restrictive roles for women, but much less about men. And no man wants to be the first to admit he’s not what his mask is, so everyone just keeps them on. The worst thing a man can be accused of in American society is acting “like a female.” The problem is our culture has assigned 85% of the traits that constitute being a human being to women, so when a man acts like a human he is accused of acting like a woman. They have a lot less of this problem in Europe.