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FIRST… THE THREAT! Her college sent this email to me and my daughter at the end of her second year. Dear [X], This in an IMPORTANT email reminding you of your debt to [ABCD College] in the amount of $16.92! This amount is your damage fee you were assessed back in May. It is VERY […]

Newspapers are evil. Ten years ago I decided, every time I want to read, I’d read a book instead of a newspaper. Not to be snobbish. But newspapers are just full of sh*t. I know. I wrote for five of them. People say to me, “That’s stupid. How do you get informed?” What? I’m a […]

When you land in Dallas, they hand out conspiracy theories at the airport. JFK was shot in the throat. Then shot in the head. But who did it? On the Uber from the airport, the Uber driver told us, “JFK switched his route at the last minute so THEY called ahead to see if anyone […]

“Playing with your kids will make you feel better,” my mother told me. My grandmother told me, “Play with your daughters. It will calm you down.” I had been depressed for precisely 19 months at that point. I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. I was four months away from going broke. I […]

Strong opinions are like a disease. You get one, then your friends get the same one (else, according to the rules of groupthink they are no longer friends) and so on. I hate opinions. There always seems to be someone smarter than me who has the opposite opinion. But I’m skeptical. And I like to […]

Will Smith desperately needed advice. He was terrified about something he was about to do. So he said, “I have to visit the master.” He called Dave Chappelle. His challenge: to do three minutes of standup comedy at a comedy club. I get it. When I had to do six minutes the first time, I […]

Kim Il-sung killed millions of people while supreme leader of North Korea for 50 years. “People only get free from oppression through struggle.”–Kim Il-sung. Kim Il-sung was the self-help, failure-porn motivational speaker of his time. Anyone who disagreed with him was “disappeared.” — In the mid ’00s, I was getting a divorce and my latest […]