Blog Category: Self-care

Self-Help Dictators, Stillness, and Altucher’s Book Club!

Kim Il-sung killed millions of people while supreme leader of North Korea for 50 years. “People only get free from oppression through struggle.”–Kim Il-sung. Kim Il-sung was the self-help, failure-porn motivational speaker…

Kim Il-sung killed millions of people while supreme leader of North Korea for 50 years. “People only get free from oppression through struggle.”–Kim Il-sung. Kim Il-sung was the self-help, failure-porn motivational speaker of his time. Anyone who disagreed with him was “disappeared.” — In the mid ’00s, I was getting a divorce and my latest […]

Read More Comment

Fecal Matter and Zen Will Make You Better

If you take the fecal matter of a thin rat and put it into the rectum of a fat rat, the fat rat gets thinner. If you take the fecal matter of…

If you take the fecal matter of a thin rat and put it into the rectum of a fat rat, the fat rat gets thinner. If you take the fecal matter of a fat rat and put it into the rectum of a thin rat, the thin rat gets fatter.  That thin rat must get […]

Read More Comment

How to Be an Ultimate Fighter

“This tube you see coming out of me is directly connected to my heart and pumps liquid into it, tricking my heart into thinking it’s OK.” I had asked the cab driver…

“This tube you see coming out of me is directly connected to my heart and pumps liquid into it, tricking my heart into thinking it’s OK.” I had asked the cab driver what that machine was. I saw the tube sticking out of his side. “Are you OK?” He looked at me through his mirror […]

Read More Comment

Person, Places, or Things?

My friend wanted to be a famous artist. But she said, “I can do it in Paris. I feel that will inspire me.” She had unopened paintbrushes in her apartment. Waiting to…

My friend wanted to be a famous artist. But she said, “I can do it in Paris. I feel that will inspire me.” She had unopened paintbrushes in her apartment. Waiting to be packed.  Twenty years later, she’s a computer programmer at an accounting firm in California. Another friend of mine is divorced and thinks […]

Read More Comment

The Autobiography of My Meditation

I wanted to see women naked. But I was too ugly. I was 12. I had a cyst so big I could Airbnb it out if I had it now. I had…

I wanted to see women naked. But I was too ugly. I was 12. I had a cyst so big I could Airbnb it out if I had it now. I had acne all over my face. My hair was tangled like dreadlocks. My glasses were huge and bent. I had braces and metal all […]

Read More Comment

5 Reasons I Don’t Go to Doctors

I haven’t had a checkup since I was 16 years old. Not because I’m so healthy. But because doctors kill people. On paper, being a doctor seems pretty great. The money is…

I haven’t had a checkup since I was 16 years old. Not because I’m so healthy. But because doctors kill people. On paper, being a doctor seems pretty great. The money is good, it makes everyone around you feel inferior, and you get a diploma that literally gives you permission to play God. But… 5. […]

Read More Comment

10 Things You Can Do With Zero Talent Or Skill

I couldn’t get out of bed. I’d try to play with my kids. I’d try to read. To learn! Anything. Any f***ing thing. Nothing. Ugh. “Kids always make you happier!” Everyone would…

I couldn’t get out of bed. I’d try to play with my kids. I’d try to read. To learn! Anything. Any f***ing thing. Nothing. Ugh. “Kids always make you happier!” Everyone would lie to me. What a piece of BS that is. When I saw my kids I would think, “They just lost their shot […]

Read More Comment