“If it wasn’t for my parents, I would have killed myself,” Michael Ellsberg was telling me. I hadn’t seen him in four years. But then he sent a random text and by…
“If it wasn’t for my parents, I would have killed myself,” Michael Ellsberg was telling me. I hadn’t seen him in four years. But then he sent a random text and by coincidence he was just a block away. The sun was out. I had nothing to do but wander. I was looking for a […]
I’m sorry I lied to you that day I posted on Craigslist that I was psychic. The night before I had vomited all over my room from too much to drink. I…
I’m sorry I lied to you that day I posted on Craigslist that I was psychic. The night before I had vomited all over my room from too much to drink. I had cried to my baby girls on the phone. I was scared. I needed help. Nobody would help. This is the truth really. […]
I’m going to live to 150. I figured out all the statistics and since I am a certified doctor on Twitter and Facebook I feel qualified to say this. A few weeks…
I’m going to live to 150. I figured out all the statistics and since I am a certified doctor on Twitter and Facebook I feel qualified to say this. A few weeks ago, I was wearing my lab coat. Someone started asking me about a pain in his shoulder. I told him specifically what he […]
I’m feeling bad about the Neanderthals. But for $30 million I can buy one. Seriously. Since we mapped the Neanderthal genome, for $30 million I can now find a surrogate mother…
I’m feeling bad about the Neanderthals. But for $30 million I can buy one. Seriously. Since we mapped the Neanderthal genome, for $30 million I can now find a surrogate mother (Claudia Azula Altucher?) and a professor at MIT can, I don’t know, inject a Neanderthal into her womb. Or something like that. Something […]
Rich Roll was having a heart attack on his staircase. He was fat. He hated his work. He was unhappy. A few years later he ran, swam, biked, 703 miles in seven…
Rich Roll was having a heart attack on his staircase. He was fat. He hated his work. He was unhappy. A few years later he ran, swam, biked, 703 miles in seven days when he was 45 years old. When he was 40 he had a job he was unhappy at but he was still […]
Not everyone can be a Mark Zuckerberg! Not everyone can be an Elizabeth Holmes, who dropped out of Stanford at 19, started a business in a basement, and is now a multi-billionaire.…
Not everyone can be a Mark Zuckerberg! Not everyone can be an Elizabeth Holmes, who dropped out of Stanford at 19, started a business in a basement, and is now a multi-billionaire. Not everyone can be a Bill Gates. Or a Beyonce (although Claudia wants to be Beyonce in her next life. Which I hope […]
I disgust myself. When I was six I used to make fun of one kid for being heavier than me. When I was seven I made fun of a kid for being…
I disgust myself. When I was six I used to make fun of one kid for being heavier than me. When I was seven I made fun of a kid for being Chinese. He was the only Chinese kid in the neighborhood. I was a seven year old racist. He was so upset the principal […]
