Blog Category: people

Six People You Must Find Today

The aliens have a mission for you. Six people out of seven billion people were sent from deep space on a mission to Earth. Each of these people contains a part of…

The aliens have a mission for you. Six people out of seven billion people were sent from deep space on a mission to Earth. Each of these people contains a part of a hidden message encoded in their DNA. You have twenty four hours to find all six people, reach into their DNA to get […]

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10 Things Successful People Never Do

I have done all of these ten things and seen the results. I was very unhappy. Before I can give you the rules I must establish my credentials. I have started about…

I have done all of these ten things and seen the results. I was very unhappy. Before I can give you the rules I must establish my credentials. I have started about 20 businesses and failed at 17 of them. I have failed as a husband, as have many. I hope I don’t fail as […]

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How to Hire People to Love

One time I hired a friend to help me with a writing job. Then I fell hard for her. Then she got pregnant. Then she got an abortion without telling me. Then…

One time I hired a friend to help me with a writing job. Then I fell hard for her. Then she got pregnant. Then she got an abortion without telling me. Then I found out she also had another boyfriend. And, by the way, she did a horrible job for me. — In my first […]

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Life Tastes Best When You Eat What You Kill

An anonymous commenter named “Frank” wrote on an article I wrote yesterday, “Every time Altucher opens his mouth or posts commentary, he subtracts from the sum total of all human knowledge.” Frank…

An anonymous commenter named “Frank” wrote on an article I wrote yesterday, “Every time Altucher opens his mouth or posts commentary, he subtracts from the sum total of all human knowledge.” Frank is absolutely right and I congratulate him for recognizing that. I do subtract from the sum total of all human knowledge when I […]

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How to Spy on People

“I wish I could tie her up in a closet and only open the closet when I got home,” I said to Brian. “Then I would let her out and we could…

“I wish I could tie her up in a closet and only open the closet when I got home,” I said to Brian. “Then I would let her out and we could fool around and then when we were done I’d put her back in the closet.”  I liked Brian because he was a Life […]

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The Crappy FAQ: All Questions Answered About Crappy People

A lot of people had additional questions about my article: “How to Deal with Crappy People”. Here are my responses. Q: Seriously? You walk around thinking stuff like that about total strangers,…

A lot of people had additional questions about my article: “How to Deal with Crappy People”. Here are my responses. Q: Seriously? You walk around thinking stuff like that about total strangers, who have never so much as looked at you, let alone harmed you? A: Yes. Seriously. Maybe you are judging me? My challenge […]

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Plug All of Your Leaks Or You Will Die

I was playing poker in Las Vegas and the two professional players next to me were discussing their “leaks”. “Women are my leaks”, one of them said. Meaning he’d make some money…

I was playing poker in Las Vegas and the two professional players next to me were discussing their “leaks”. “Women are my leaks”, one of them said. Meaning he’d make some money and then spend it on prostitutes. “My wife is back in Japan and I can’t help myself.” [See: The year I did nothing […]

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