And that’s when things went bad:
- One time she walked out and said, “I have to run errands” and she then went straight to the airport, flew to another country, and I never saw her again.
- Another time, another relationship, she said, “I love you” and two days later was married to another person in a marriage forced by her parents. “I never said that to you,” she said to me a week later.
- Another time, she (another she, always another she) left me for her high school boyfriend.
- Another time, she (always another she – stopped on the highway, said get out and I did. And that was the last I saw her.
- Another time she got pregnant, and I begged her to have it, She disappeared for a week. No longer pregnant. I’m pro-choice. This is not about politics. For me, this was just a sadness that stuck with me. I stayed with her another six months and then she said, “It’s not working out”.
- Another time another time another time another time.
Too many times.
But none of those times matter.
I didn’t know anything. I was a baby. I don’t know anything now.
All I know is this:
Can I take these vows below in my head? Can I take them and say them about myself?
Those other relationships don’t matter if I can’t take these vows and aim them inward.
From the inside out is the direction of life and love and laughter.
Will I take care of myself for sick and for poor? Through joy and sadness? Through good times and bad?
Can I cherish myself? Can I grow through all of it? Can I not waste a day of the preciousness of the sun against my face, the laughter of friends, the feeling of doing good for another?
The laughter I hear when the tension breaks cracks and we realize we are all in this together.
Do not waste. Do not throw away. Recycle. Rebirth.
For better or worse. Cherish.
Can I say yes to myself?
—
P.S. Follow me on my new “Quora Space”
This is the description of the space and I hope you can all contribute:
I have three rules that I try to live by each day:
- Improve my relationships with the people around me. Be around people I love and support, who love and support me. Get rid of toxic people.
- Improve at the things I love. If I study something I love and feel I am getting better at it, then I know that will compound into “life abundance”.
- Improve at my feeling of freedom in life. If every day I can take more actions that are MY decisions versus the decisions of others, then I know I will have freedom in life.