Chris Riley @MustacheFesto: how do you regain self confidence after divorce and several jobs over last couple years?
ANSWER:
This happened to me. It was like the perfect storm. I had made some money selling Stockpickr.com to thestreet.com in 2007. But gradually over time I was overspending, I bought a house, I rebuilt it, then I got almost immediately a divorce. Then thestreet.com got rid of me (ironically, they just asked me to write for them again after blowing me off a million times), the FT got rid of my column, CNBC stopped using as much for awhile, friends stopped calling me, consulting stopped, I started two businesses and both failed around the same time (October, 2008). I had a book come out in November 2008 and it was my worst selling book ever. I ate Thanksgiving dinner in 2008 by myself in a diner on 44th Street because I had nowhere to go, no friends or family that wanted me.
I had no confidence at all. I would lie in a room in a hotel (the Chelsea Hotel that is now closed) and just look out the window having no idea what I was going to do that day. How would I get off the floor?
The only way I’ve ever been able to do it (in 1991, in 1995, in 2002, and 2009) was to incrementally improve in four ways: how can I make my physical health better (stop drinking, for instance). How can I make my emotional health better (eliminate all negative people in my life who bring me down, even if they are people who are close to me in societal ways and I would feel shame rejecting them but its MOST IMPORTANT to not be around people who will bring you down), improve your mental abilities (read a book, write down ideas), and improve your spiritual life (accept that your situation is what the universe wants. Surrender to it. The past is the past and surrender to the fact that if you commit to health as described above then the universe will take care of you).
Now I only hope I stick to it. It’s a discipline. I call it the “Daily Practice” because it”s only practice. You have to keep doing it. Practice doesn’t make perfect but practice makes permanent.
I can just hear someone in the comments saying, “this is like one big ad for the Daily Practice”.
But I can’t emphasize enough how this simple approach to life has saved my life. Please try it. Please write me in six months. You will write me, “my life is completely different and better.”