jhvh111 @jhvh111: Marriage – My wife is very type-A and I am very laid back – this frequently causes clashes, any suggestions?
ANSWER:
You and your wife are “splitting the difference”. Realistically, she’s not all Type A and you are not always laid back. But sometimes couples split these things up. Like, one person will suddenly become messy all the time and the other will be neat all the time. This is “splitting the difference”.
So try to acknowledge that and meet her halfway. Try to surprise her every day. Some things you can do:
A) clean the dishes and do the laundry
B) get a notebook of about 100 sheets. Make it coupons of things she gets from you. Then hide them all over the house. Months later she will still be finding them and it will be fun each time. Fun for her and fun for you.
C) Make a blog. 20 posts. One photo per post. A few words per post. The title of the blog: 20 reasons I love you.
D) Think deeply of her interests. Find some unique but inexpensive gift you can give her that is related to her interests.
E) You say she’s Type A. Are you listening enough to her? She probably has many things to talk to you about. Ask her questions about the things she wants to talk about.
F) You say you are laid back. Maybe you are implying there are things she wants you to do that you don’t want to do. Maybe she wants you to worry more about money. Ask her how you can help her feel more calm about what it is she is worried about. Read books together about the things she is worried about.
G) Go tango dancing. When you tango dance there’s one rule: It’s the man’s fault. The man leads. So if the steps mess up then it’s your fault. Learn how to tango together and that will help get you less laid back and her less Type A. At least while you are dancing.
H) Wake up before her and make her coffee. Make her morning as easy as possible. She’s TYPE A for God’s sakes. She needs your help getting ready for the day.
I) Why don’t you try being Type A for awhile. Worry about the things she is worried about. Plan the things she is overplanning. Take some of the Type A burden off of her so she realizes it’s not all up to her.
J) Be artists together. One day when you have some free time take out some paper and watercolors and paint a little. That will slow down her mind and get you doing something you probably don’t usually do. And it’s something you can do together.
Be in love with her.