Take Back The Power

I started to wonder if I was a woman.

I was reading Amy Morin’s latest book, “13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do.”

Everything applied to me.

She said, “Mentally strong women don’t downplay their success.”

“They don’t stay silent.”

And eleven more habits.

I had to ask her, “How do you keep track of which habits you have to change?” Because it can get overwhelming.

If I practice the piano, I can track improvement. But there’s no “mental strength” scale.

So how do you know if you’re actually improving?

She gave me a bunch of practical tips:

1. Start with awareness. Just take inventory of which habits you have from the list.
2. Then pay attention. Notice when you’re doing the bad habits.

That’s how you get started.

That’s how Amy got started, too.

She was 26 when she lost her husband. She could’ve crawled into a hole. Then her mom died. Then, years later, she got remarried. And her second husband’s dad got diagnosed with cancer.

I’ve had her on the podcast six times. Because she’s my favorite kind of podcast guest: someone who DOES what they talk about.

Check out the clip below to hear a snippet of the show.

And if you like what you hear, make sure to share with a friend.

• Episode preview – [0:00]

• I welcome Amy Morin back on the podcast for her 6th time – [4:13]
• Comparing = despairing. Amy says the best ways to stop yourself from feeling the negative effects of comparing – [6:18]
• A step-by-step guide to switch your mindset from feeling jealous to curiosity – [10:03]
• Why I recommend Amy’s books: she always makes her tips applicable and testable – [14:11]
• Amy describes the anxiety and depression she felt after losing her mom and husband – [15:08]
• How to deal with toxic people (my personal strategies & Amy’s professional strategies) – [19:43]
• I ask Amy why we get addicted to having arguments in our heads with toxic people. And how to get over it to conserve energy – [24:40]
• How to break the pattern. Let’s say you’ve been dealing with your mother-in-law a certain way. And never stood up for yourself. Now you’re reflecting backwards. And you feel anger or shame. I ask Amy how someone can learn from their regrets – [25:36]
• How to stop blaming yourself – [27:15]
• How to combat perfectionism: write yourself a kind letter – [28:16]
• One of the tricks I use… I pretend my problems are my daughter’s problems. Then I imagine what advice I’d give her – [30:55]
• I tell Amy why her book for women is actually great for men, too – [35:14]
• Amy says why mentally strong people don’t avoid tough challenges – [38:12]
• “If you were going to become the person you wanted to become, what would you be doing differently?” – [41:39]
• Interrupt the patterns in your life. How to find small action steps you can do today – [42:15]
• Ask yourself “What do I want to do differently?” – [44:00]
• The challenge of figuring out “Who am I?” Amy says how she faced this when she was 26 years old and her husband died – [44:20]
• How to deal with low-level, chronic, simmering discomfort and depression [46:15]
• What ruts do you get stuck into? Determine where your time is going. Then re-allocate proactively – [49:35]
• How to use social media to find your passion – [53:57]
• Reflect: When’s the last time you felt work-life balance? – [56:07]
• The importance of setting limits & how to set rules that help you say “no” – [58:45]
• Advice for writers: how to get your start & where to publish – [1:01:47]
• I ask Amy how she measures success – [1:03:43]
• Outsource. How to choose what’s worth your time – [1:05:11]
• “Mentally strong women don’t stay silent” – [1:07:39]
• Amy tells me what it’s like to be harassed on the street – [1:09:35]
• How speaking up and awareness can lead to behavior changes in the office – [1:12:15]
• Be comfortable with your effort. “Mentally strong women don’t downplay their success.” – [1:14:22]
• How to gain more respect and find the middle ground between bragging and downplaying success – [1:16:37]
• How to keep track of all the techniques that will make you mentally strong (spoiler: Start small. Work on one habit and one technique at a time.) – [1:18:29]
• Amy’s top trick to prevent overthinking something to death – [1:21:11]
• Easy meditative exercise to try now: spend 20 seconds just listening to what sounds are around you – [1:23:30]
• One of my favorite chapters in Amy’s new book: mentally strong people don’t blame themselves when something goes wrong – [1:25:49]
• Ownership vs. self-blame. How to spot the difference – [1:27:30]
• I ask Amy what tools we can use to measure mental strength – [1:31:48]
• Sometimes you don’t have to take things to the next level… ask yourself “Is it worth it?” – [1:33:39]
• The healthy way to determine if you’re making an impact: consider “Am I helping a handful of people?” – [1:35:31]
• I ask Amy if she ever compares herself to Dr. Phil – [1:36:04]
• Step 1: How to start being more mentally strong…begin to recognize when you’re doing one of the 13 things mentally strong people don’t do – [1:37:04]
• Step 2: attempt to pull yourself out of the 13 habits that mentally strong people don’t do. If you do this enough, you’ll strengthen the muscle – [1:37:50]
• I ask Amy about the #metoo movement and if she thinks we’re moving in the right direction –
  [1:39:51]
• Blindspots… we talk about the areas of women’s rights that can still be improved – [1:43:26]
• Exercise: consider how you were socialized based on your gender – [1:45:58]
• The grey area of gender roles… how to acknowledge our differences and using that knowledge to support each other – [1:47:28]
• I ask Amy what’s next for her and also give some ideas – [1:48:09]
• I try to sell Amy on self-publishing – [1:52:32]
• Side gigs. We talk about what Amy would do if she went back into entrepreneurship – [1:54:13]
• I congratulate Amy for breaking the record for # of appearances on the podcast – [1:56:30]

Links and Resources:

• “13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do: Own Your Power, Channel Your Confidence, a13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do: Own Your Power, Channel Your Confidence, and Find Your Authentic Voice for a Life of Meaning and Joynd Find Your Authentic Voice for a Life of Meaning and Joy” by Amy Morin
• “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success” by Amy Morin
• “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success” by Amy Morin
• Follow Amy on Twitter
• Watch Amy’s Tedx Talk – The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
• Amy wrote this article as a letter to herself, but when she published it, it went viral.