karen parmelee @parmcharm: What is the cost of paranoia? What does hold back from being? Am surrounded by paranoid people…
Paranoia fills up your entire brain and then overflows into your actions. You make phone calls: Is he there? You write notes. Your mind is thinking thinking THINKING. You can’t even kiss because you are thinking so much about the people who want to do you no good. I’m not saying this is you. I’m saying this for all the paranoid people in the world. For the Paranoids of America Club, of which I am a proud but miserable member.
I know from experience what paranoid does. It siphons off every ounce of creativity and productivity. When you are paranoid you are taking a hot poker and searing all the pieces of your brain, mind, soul that could help you in life.
And you know what? Your brain loves it. LOVES IT! It’s having a party. It’s thinking, “he’s paying so much attention to me. I think I love him. So I’m going to be even more paranoid.”
Ugh, this brings back memories. I was running a fund of hedge funds about eight years ago. I would call a hedge fund I was invested in. “He’s on the phone, can he call you back?” the secretary would say. Five minutes later he still didn’t call me back. I was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED with 100% assurance that he was in Brazil and had stolen all my money. I always thought Brazil. Maybe because it’s a fantasy of mine to go to Brazil. So I was projecting MY FANTASY onto the people I was sure was robbing me that second. I’d go through all sorts of scenarios. What would I tell my investors? What would I tell my partners? Who would ever hire me again? And then a minute later the hedge fund manager would call me.
But those times when I was paranoid it was a real illness. A disease. The only way to get over it is to finally say, “wait a second! I’ve been here before! I know this place. It’s called paranoia. And I know if I just take breaths and ride this out it will go away. Nothing I have ever been paranoid has ever come true. Except for that girl that got pregnant. But that’s another post. Maybe I already did it. I’ll do it again. No matter what I wrote, it got worse. But that paranoia was true. But even then, I could’ve avoided it. Because a paranoid situation you need to get away from. You’re not happy. Stop it. Figure out what you need to do to be happy. Your girlfriend wants to party all night while you sleep. Tell her, “no good, I’m paranoid” and see what she says.
And, like I say above, declutter. The less things in your mind, the less you will be paranoid. And also train yourself with negative awards. Every time you get paranoid, your ability to be creative goes straight down. You start to die. And it’s a slow unpleasant death. A cancer on the brain. Please don’t die. If you are reading this then I love you. You have nothing to be paranoid about.