What is your greatest fear/concern?

Lee Springer ‏ @springer7217: what is your greatest fear/concern?


I had a completely different answer. Then I reread it and thought it was bullshit. So I hit delete. It’s one thing having something smart to say. It’s another thing to reread and make sure I’m being really honest.

My greatest fear is simple: having a stroke and being “locked in”. Fully conscious but unable to move. Even unable to blink.

My dad had a stroke in 2003. He didn’t die until 2005. I’m pretty sure, despite what every doctor said, that he was locked in. It was so painful to visit him. Since all he could do was stare straight up I taped a chessboard to the ceiling. But I don’t know if he was able to see the board. They dropped him more than once. He had bed sores. When I wasn’t visiting him I couldn’t even imagine what was going through his head.

I also felt really horrible. I felt like if I hadn’t lost millions just a few years earlier than I could’ve paid for more therapies to help him. Instead, it was just a matter of watching the clock run out on whatever was left of his life. His quality of life was less than zero.

Having a stroke could be hereditary. I eat better than him. Drink better than him. But who knows? I hope to god I never get locked in, or if I do, then Claudia has the sense to make sure I die pretty quickly.