What's the reason for the rise in extra-marital dating sites? Is our society decaying and losing it’s morals?

Hamzah ‏@Hamzah81: Whats the reason for the rise in extra-marital dating sites? Is our society decaying and losing it’s morals?


The Parker Meridien is a prestigious 5 star hotel in Manhattan. The restaurant, Norma’s is one of the best breakfast places in the city. They also have a pool on the roof and a divey hamburger place called “the Burger Joint” that is probably the best hamburger restaurant around. I love staying there. One time I went in the pool but felt self-conscious. A lot of French super-models stay there. There were all of these 8 foot tall beautiful men and women diving, kissing, swimming, and then there was me, sort of underwater in the corner, feeling embarrassed.

About a year ago they started renting rooms by the hour. Why would an upscale hotel like that rent rooms by the hour in the middle of the work day?

Brian told me, “it’s because of AshleyMadison.com.” A website that caters to married people wanting to have affairs. It’s one of the most popular dating websites out there.

Is AshleyMadison immoral? Is the Parker Meridien? I have no idea. I don’t judge anyone. If someone is unhappy in their marriage then I think they should tell their spouse that they plan on sleeping with other people. This is a health thing. People need to know that: emotionally and physically, the person they are sleeping with is going to exchange various fluids and emotions with someone else. That’s only fair.

But it’s not for me to judge their morals. Or for me or you to say society is somehow immoral. 100 years ago there was also cheating. 150 years ago there was slavery. 500 years ago colonists in the US did genocide on native Americans. Right now, in the present day and age, around the world one in three women are raped or sexually abused.

If people can find happiness in some small way: sex, swimming, burgers, and room service in the Parker Meridien with a complete stranger, then power to them. I hope they are having fun. For the sake of their spouses, I hope they are being honest but it’s not for me to say to them. When I think of it personally, it makes me cringe. It makes me hope that my life, wife, happiness, has moved beyond the AshleyMadisons of the world. But that’s only own insecurity. And I’m very insecure.

But to you I can say this: don’t be so worried about the morals of society. Trying to control (because that’s what judging is) society is like saying “this hurricane better not flood my house” when there’s basically no way you can stop it. You are bound to be unhappy if your expectations are too high. Even if you think judgments are not the same as expectations, you will be unhappy. Because they are.

Society is a collection of individuals. You get to choose what individuals you want around you in your short life. Be a good person, be the sort of person that enhances the lives of the people around you. Then websites promoting affairs won’t be a part of your world. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Try to surprise your spouse every day. Write down a bunch of notes, coupons for things your spouse can do to you, and leave them in surprise places around the house.

This morning I was up before Claudia. I was reading downstairs. As soon as I heard the upstairs door open I yelled upstairs in the angriest voice I could muster up, “WHERE IS MY COFFEE, BITCH!” For the next 15 minutes she was laughing. The entire thing was ludicrous and my whole goal was to make her laugh. She was still laughing by the time she came downstairs. At me and not with me. That’s all I needed to do right then. I don’t have to worry about society’s morals.

And then Claudia got me a coffee.